Sick and tired of...well being depressed

Have you ever seen that commercial "Depression Hurts"?  Every time I see that I am like well no crap depression hurts.  I deal with that daily.  I struggle to keep motivated to the point that I don't even like to struggle with that.  It's not a physical hurt, its more of an emotional hurt.. The emotional toll that I know that I put on myself.  If I am sitting here going through so much depression that I cant deal with it, I look and see what I do to my family. 

I mean I think to myself Oh my gosh what has my depression done to them?  I don't even want to be around me so why would they want to be around me?

 I actually sat through a movie with them the other day.  The sad part of the whole deal was when I got up to use the bathroom I hear  good night... they know my routine, I have obliviously hid in my room away from them too much.. They don't deserve that. The deserve a wife and mother that is there... not physically, but emotionally too.

Of course while I am typing this my daughter is watching YouTube and I am hid away in my bedroom. 

That's my after work routine... come home, go to bed.   It sucks.

The phone rings.... I will let it ring look at it....let it ring... then I am like alright..... I really don't want to answer this call, but I will.

So to help with all this I have decided a few changes that I need to make.

I need to incorporate diet and  exercise back into my life.  I did feel better when I wasn't 200 lbs of fat.

I will try to wake up early and go to the gym (pray for me... and those people at the gym who has to see me)

I need to stay off my phone and snap back into reality with my family... I only hurt them the most and thats the last thing that I ever wanted to do.

I need to make a new after work routine.... sorry lovely daughter it's no longer YouTube for you... its MarioKart or whatever else we can find on the WII.  (I wont touch that XBOX ONE)

I will make a change.... it will be good.  I control my emotions.... 

Oh and the highlight of my day was this morning....

I get a text message from my darling husband that read:

"Have a great day sweetheart I didn't know I snored"

I laughed so loud... it made me smile.  

He also likes to talk and welcome people to the 5th grade, but thats a story for another time.

xxxooo

Mel